That title was hard to write. Equally hard to admit. Exponentially harder to accept. I wish it was otherwise, and continue to work toward a time when it will be. That time is, unfortunately, not now.
The cold truth of it hit me as I drove from one plant to the other for a meeting at the dayjob. I think a lot while I’m behind the wheel, and I was going over the Mental List of Things Requiring Attention once I punch out for the day. The list is a bit crowded, exacerbated by the fact we’re heading out of town tomorrow for our first camping weekend. Not one writing related thing made the Priority List for tonight. Not to say there aren’t such things on my list, but (with the exception of one) life has shoved them to somewhere closer to the bottom than the top.
It fucking sucks. No sugar-coating on it.
That’s not to say I’m throwing in the towel. Oh, hells no. I’ve just begun to realize I need to stop beating myself up when there are stretches of days where–as much as I’d like–no words are written. Doing so just makes me cranky. No, beyond cranky. It royally pisses me off. That leads to a downward spiral of cursing things as they currently are. Which, yes, puts me in a foul mood. That’s not good for anyone. Not my hubs, not the people around me, not my dogs, not my muses, not me.
It leads to funks. Funks are bad and extremely non-productive. I don’t like funks. (Not to be confused with fudge, which I do like.)
I also don’t like things I can’t control or can’t change, and there’s a bit too much of that happening at the moment. I react to such things by putting a lot of pressure on myself to try and collect all those little bits and either whip them into submission, or alter them to be more to my liking. Neither of which is entirely possible. Doesn’t stop me from trying, though. Something else which is extremely non-productive.
I really should start meditating. It would probably help.
In any case, I have an anthology deadline to meet. I need to focus on that and not obsess over Bound in Shadow still in sitting in limbo. Forget (for now) the a whole list of short story markets I’d like to write something for, the pile of notes and chapters for the second Coinblade Chronicles book, and the two more book ideas spinning in the grey matter.
Life, as it has a way of doing, has intervened, and it’s going to take me some time to find the pattern in the chaos.