Tossing it Up For WIPpet Wednesday

Did you miss Monday’s WIPterview with Elaine Jeremiah? It’s still there so wander over and check it out. Friday we’ll have another doozy, so make sure you come back for that. I also want to give a shout-out to the talented Rachel O’Laughlin author of Coldness of Marek and the soon to be released second book in the series, Knights of Rilch (which I cannot wait to get my hands on). Get thee over to the Cover Reveal and enter the awesome giveaway and perhaps you will get your hands on it as well.

I’m still on the fence as to whether to throw in the towel on my Angry Robot goal or not. If you would have asked me Sunday or Monday it would have been a resounding Hells Yes! Today . . . I may as well keep plugging away at it and see what happens. My characters, however, keep doing unexpected things. The result is a new character and a minor storyline I hadn’t planned on. Also, the two days next week I thought I’d have to myself, turns out the hubby has off as well. *insert grumpy face* Not that I don’t enjoy spending time with the hubby. Just. . . um . . . I prefer it on my terms and he tends to just pop in and say, “What are you doing?” Followed shortly by, “I want to do some chasing.” Which, unfortunately, he can’t ever seem to do without me.

Okay, enough whining. For today, more from CB (which should now be CBC as I’ve gone to calling it The Coinblade Chronicles). I went to page 18 and give you 25 lines. WIPpet math rules again. Warning, if you’re sensitive about throwing up (some folks are) then you might not want to read this. Driev found himself on the receiving end of a blast that threw him across the room. What follows is after he has been tended and is waking up.

The ceiling that wandered into my blurred vision rippled and swirled above me like heavy cream. I closed my eyes and begged my stomach to be still. I should have stayed that way, but now that I’d clawed my way back to consciousness I wanted nothing more than to be in my own bed. Or at my table by the chimney in the Tart. Fool that I am, I opened my eyes.

Ribs are both necessary and troublesome. According to The Physic’s Guide to the Anatomical Construct of the Human Form, they serve to protect a very vital array of internal organs. In which case, the gods might have thought about making them of sterner stuff because they become a problem when they are damaged. A fair amount of padding beneath leather will help protect them from most abuse handed out in my current line of work. There isn’t much that will keep them hail and whole when slammed forcefully into a stone wall. In such a condition, one of the worst things you can do is retch. Trust me on this.

I managed to clear the side of the bed when the contents of my stomach won the battle to reacquaint themselves with the world. The resulting pain only encouraged everything remaining in my gut to make a run for it as well, drowning the scream I wanted to emit. It continued until I was fairly certain my stomach had turned inside out. Matters went from bad to stab-me-through-the-heart-and-end-it-all when I landed face down on the thin, vomit-covered carpeting. Had I the breath or the strength I would have cursed every god and goddess, greater and lesser, of every pantheon I knew.

I’ve no idea how long I laid there alternately praying for death and cursing. Eventually I worked up the courage to get my arms beneath me and try for hands and knees. Only after gaining them did I realize my left arm worked again. I sent a tiny thanks to the pantheons for that. In the grand scheme of things, however, I expected more. Not that I’m greedy, mind. But there must be balance in all things, yes?

“What in the Cloaked One’s name –“

Don’t forget to leave WIPpterview questions for me. We still have somewhere between seven and ten WIPpeteers to meet yet. How cool is that! I never realized there were so many of us but I have to say, you guys totally rock.

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40 Comments:

  1. Charming stuff! Uh, not the product of Driev’s recovery, of course, but the telling of it. That shines.

  2. Eeeee! My own ribs hurt in sympathy with Driev.
    Kathi, I hope you’ll come to a sense of peace soon, concerning your submission. You have an awesome story!

    • I’m at peace with the writing, it’s the dang plot line I keep waffling and floundering on. And tick-tock goes the clock. But, one way or the other CBC will be finished.

  3. Ouch! Broken ribs and vomiting not a great combination. I’m 7 & 1/2 months pregnant and my ribs hurt enough when I sneeze at the moment so I have great sympathy for Driev. I really really love the first person voice you’ve chosen for this – I’m glad you’re keeping going with it. 🙂

    • Thanks, Kate. I’m not sure where that voice came from but it seems to be working. Funny, because I used to shy away from even reading first person. I never, ever, wrote in it. But suddenly, it’s comfortable. At least, at the moment it is.

      • I always tend to write in first person so naturally like to read stories written in the first person too. I think you’ve captured his voice brilliantly and it most definitely works.

  4. I feel you SO HARD on the husband being home thing. I love mine, but sometimes you need alone time to work… Um, chasing what? I assume a golden snitch.

    Great moment in the story. Not for Driev, but for readers. 😉

  5. Aw thanks Kathi. You rock too and I want to find out a bit more about you too so looking forward to that!

    Great… sort of great excerpt. Great in the sense that it’s exciting and gripping and I want to know if Driev can get over this. Not so great in that it’s very visceral, though that in its way is good if that makes sense! I would hate to be in Driev’s shoes at this point. I’m not very good with vomiting, makes me sick lol.

    And I’m wondering what events led up to this happening to Driev. Intriguing. 🙂

    • I figure everybody can relate to at least one aspect of Driev’s discomfort, and if I make my readers equally uncomfortable then I have succeeded. What led up to it? Well, there was this thing, and Driev did you know, and then that other thing happened, and now he’s here. *smiles sweetly*

  6. This guy must have nine lives. He keeps coming back again and again no matter what he’s thrown at or against. Heh heh.

    This is outstanding. The action never stops even if it’s active retching. P-hew!

  7. Very, umm, visceral… Yeah, definitely a visceral description there, Kathi.

    That Angry Robot thing…. well, I um, well, I’m not doing it. I mean, I still intend to work on Release until the end of December and get it into even more of a story than it was, one that will better fit into the history that the Swan Song Series is creating, but…

    Well, I read Alberta Ross’ ROW80 sponsor post today, and it reminded me of some things I’d been thinking… Like I’d mentioned before, I knew that things were ‘wrong’ about Release. I want to make them right.

    You may enjoy the post too. http://aroundofwordsin80days.wordpress.com/2013/12/16/it-takes-as-long-as-it-takes-by-alberta-ross/

  8. Thanks, Eden. I’ll check out the post. The problem is, the first plot line hit a wall so I made a new one and now this one is floundering. I don’t want to rush it just to have it done. I want to tell a good story. If that means I skip the open submissions, so be it, but I definitely won’t abandon Driev.

  9. Another thoroughly excellent excerpt, Kathi. Your first draft writing is so amazingly polished, I think you can still hold out on deciding about the Angry Robot submission. With most people, I would never recommend submitting a first draft anywhere, but I think you could pull it off. 🙂

    One tiny nit, though — I felt like “I’ve no idea how long I laid there …” would flow better as “I had …”

    • Good catch, Ruth. That does seem to work better.

      If only I could settle the dang plot. Seems every time I have it firmly set, somebody goes and does or says something that throws a wrench into the works. I’m going to look at it some more, though. Because you know what they say about banging your head against the wall: It feels good when you stop. 😉

  10. I like the imagery of the heavy cream ceiling. We actually give our middle son heavy whipping cream with his milk every day. Yummy, no?

    • Wow! I like breves — basically a latte but made with heavy cream instead. That’s a rare treat though. Can’t have too many of those.

  11. My husband has this story about my father-in-law (f-i-l from here on) after he broke his ribs. I laugh at this entry and my husband’s story, though with a bit of cringing and guilt for taking pleasure in it. Great voice.

  12. Poor baby Driev! I just want to enter his world and stroke his hair. Maybe put a cold compress on his forehead, too. 🙂

    Vivid storytelling – I’m more and more intrigued by Driev the more I read about him!

  13. Oh, Driev! The messes you get yourself into! Sometimes even literally…

    I feel this WIPpet deeply. Almost two years ago, my husband collided with a deer while riding his motorcycle home from work. He was thrown about 100 feet.

    He tore a tendon in his hand, broke 8 ribs, collapsed his left lung, and lacerated his spleen. He got his first helicopter ride when he was airlifted to the big medical center in our area.

    He told the doctors that morphine made him vomit, but they didn’t listen….

    Poor Jim! He was sick several times over the next day and a half.

    I don’t think I’ll show him this…it would certainly hold potent and intensely painful memories.

    This is real and raw and immediate….and I have to wonder if you’re getting even with me for Tisira’s rabbit-carcass feast… =)

    • Oh no! Your poor hubby! Hate it when doctors don’t listen. Gods, he must have been miserable. We only came close to hitting a deer on the motorcycle — thankfully never have. *knock on wood* Although, I did hit a prairie dog out in Sturgis. It ran between my front tire and the engine, slammed the inside of my foot and knocked my foot off the peg. The worse I had was a bruised ankle. Prairie dog, not so lucky. Bottom of the bike… blech.

      C’mon, what’s a bit of rabbit devouring and vomiting between WIPpeteers. 😉

  14. I WILL read WIPterviews soon.

    Poor Driev. I cracked one rib in the first trimester of my second pregnancy – when the morning sickness was worst. Mis. Er. A. Ble. Having to throw-up with more than one cracked/broken rib? Not happening. Nope. I don’t care what my belly says, that gunk is staying put.

    • What I am finding out about this excerpt is that many people can relate. That’s awesome and sad at the same time. I do think you’ve created a new pen name, however. Miss Er A. Bell. Hee, hee. 🙂

      • I’m not surprised. Ribs are seemingly easier to crack or break than one would hope. I’ve heard the pain described as much worse than I experienced several times so I can only surmise my case was mild.

        Miss Er A Bell, huh? Hmm… Nope. If my name were Erma, there’s no way I’d let anyone shorten it to Er. I’d be afraid of people constantly misspelling it.

  15. Pingback: Weaving Joy and Sorrow: ROW80 Update, 12/22/13 | shanjeniah

  16. Great imagery and descriptions! And yes, I imagine retching after breaking ones ribs wouldn’t feel too great – I also imagine that laughing or coughing would be out of the question too!

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