Does anyone reading this not know I suffer from rewriteritiss? Well, I do. And for those who don’t know, rewriteritiss is a condition caused by an over-active internal editor with a thirst for perfection and no off switch. Point in case, I just reworked the last half of that sentence three times before moving on to this one. Rewriteritiss is why I tend to be a slow writer. It’s hard to crank out the words when each one of them must be carefully scrutinized prior to moving on. I can rework a sentence for the better part of five minutes and then, later, go back and tweak it some more.
I wrote about some of my reasons for going into it in my last post. I knew it would be a challenge and boy-howdy, is it! I feel a bit like this…
Actually, I feel a lot like that, and I’m pretty sure that’s the same expression I wear. Minus the facial hair.
NaNo is all about getting those 50,000 words down by November 30. It doesn’t matter if they’re good words, wrong words, right words, bad words, it just wants words. It’s a bit like our new kitten at feeding time. He just wants his food NOW, and if he doesn’t get it, that sweet little Rebel Kitty with the adorable face, pins his tiny ears back and makes like an offended lion. FEED ME NOW, PUNY HUMAN! The food going into the dish doesn’t need to be pretty. No points are given for style or appearance. Just dump it in and beat feet while Rebel Kitty devours said sustenance in mad glee.
That’s how NaNo feels. Dump and run, and keep running, and don’t stop or look back until November 30th or 50k.
Currently, I’m not running fast enough, as witnessed by this screenshot of my dashboard:All things considered, it’s not as bad as it could be. We’re only 8 days in, I haven’t written today, and I was out of town 3 of those days. Though I tried to carve out writing time, on one of them I wrote a grand total of 169 words.
Here’s the thing. In my head, in the dark, scary place where my internal editor lives, just about every one of those eight thousand six hundred and eighty six words feels like–to quote a character who showed up out of nowhere and inserted herself into a scene I had no idea existed until I wrote it–camel tripe. I believe yesterday I wrote the worst fight scene I’ve ever penned. I know I repeated ‘twisted’ at least five times in one paragraph, sending my internal editor into convulsions. I nearly joined him writhing on the floor.
No. Looking. Back.
ERMAHGERD THIS IS SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The story feels disjointed, full of holes, thin, and baseless. There’s fluff. I know there is. I can’t do anything about it. I have to leave it be and just keep going until I hit that magic 50k mark. Or November 30th. Whichever comes first. Still, I don’t think I’ll be finished. My novels are never only 50k. Maybe this raw, rough, disaster of a first draft will be.
Hopefully, by the end of November, I won’t hate what it’s become.
Hopefully, by the end of November, I’ll still want to shape it into something finished and pristine and awesome.
Right now… I’m scared.
I’m going to keep pushing though. Keep barfing the words onto the screen for all the reasons I mentioned in my last post. In the back of my mind I’ll keep holding onto the hope that my NaNo story will survive.
If it does, and I do, and I find success in this strange experiment, newsletter subscribers are going to get something special. Yes, that’s a plug. Now would be a good time for you to sign up for my never-any-spam author newsletter. The linky is on the left. At the top. Go on. Don’t be shy.