Homecoming ~ Conclusion & WIPpet Wednesdays

If you’re here looking for the WIPpet Wednesday link, you need to wander over to A Keyboard and an Open Mind. If you missed they why behind that, you can read about it HERE. Short version: I need to step down as admin. Several others jumped in to assume duties.

Now the conclusion of my self-analytical tale even if it has nothing to do with the date. If you need to catch up, here’s Part One and here’s Part Two.

 

I spread my hands, palms up, in a gesture of supplication. “What is it you want from me? Besides the impossible, that is.”

And immediately I’m struck with the mental image of a scene from the original Star Wars.

 

Luke Skywalker and Yoda. Yoda wants Luke to salvage his sunken x-wing fighter from the depths of the swamp.

“I can’t,” Luke complains. “It’s too big.”

Yoda reprimands him. Gives him a speech about size not mattering. Luke gets all moody and sullen and tells the Jedi master, “You want the impossible.”

He walks away. Yoda raises the fighter out of the bog.

 

I look toward the hulking shadow. My muse is definitely no Yoda. It’s more a Darth Vader than anything.

 

“I don’t believe it,” Luke says after Yoda retrieves his fighter.

And Yoda, sage and wise, replies, “That is why you fail.”

 

I’ve always loved that scene. Until now. Until my muse throws it in my face as some sort of reminder or cryptic lesson.

I blow out a sigh. “Fine. It’s not impossible. It’s just…sometimes, everything altogether…you don’t always want stew, you know? Sometimes you want your meat and potatoes and vegetables all separate, not thrown together in one big pot.”

My muse remains still and quiet, and I can’t be at all sure it understands what I’m getting at. I’m not sure I understand it. But the underlying tension in the room has begun to slide away.

“You know what I think it is?” I ask.

“Do tell.”

I’m back to pacing about the chamber, toying with things, my fingers working independently of my mind. I pay no real attention to the owl’s feather, the scattered reference photos, the can of air freshener. They are merely distractions.

Bound in Shadow is in limbo,” I say. “EoD is still trying to kick my ass. I feel like I can’t move on until it’s done. Readers are waiting. I’m waiting. I hate waiting. I need to just pull on my big girl panties and get it done. But…waiting. Stalled. Stuck.” I growl low in my throat. Equal parts frustration and anger. “All that energy I had for my projects in September? It’s hiding somewhere. And then you.” I jut a finger my muse’s way. “You’re all like, ‘Here, try this. Oh, here’s a brilliant new idea. Wouldn’t this be fun to do?’ Well, sure, why don’t you clone me then so one of me can go to work and take care of all the other shit.”

I realize I’m yelling and suck in a huge breath, rolling my shoulders back, filling my lungs. I place my hands on my hips and look around. Really look this time. My eyes track to my white board which is…white. Vacant. I purse my lips. I need a list. What needs to get done. Item by item. Those things out of my control, like BiS at the moment, I have to put out of my mind. I need to focus. I need to pull the meat, and potatoes, and vegetables out of the stewpot.

“All right then.” I grab the red marker. “Number one, pull head out of arse.”

That finally elicits a low chuckle from my muse.

That’s as good a start as any.

~Finis~

 

13 Comments:

  1. Good luck, Kathi! I’m horrible about chasing after the next bright idea, so I can sympathize. 🙂

    • If I could just finish one before the next one appears, that would be ever so helpful. It’s like being really hungry and going to a buffet and wanting to eat everything. (And why do I always use food as an example? nomnomnom)

  2. This echoes so much of my last 2+ months. It’s why I haven’t shared my WIP in ages. Sometimes I’ve shared just to keep things going, but I also had no time or motivation to read everyone else’s while in the midst of it.

    Wishing you luck getting down to business.

    • Thanks, Amy. I’m hoping the next few months give me the opportunity to find my focus. Or rather, my balance. It’s hard getting it back sometimes.

  3. Best of luck in getting your muse to co-operate. Sometimes it just takes a while but I’m sure you’ll pull through. 🙂

  4. Ooooh, nice. You put it so well. That’s just how life goes so often. Nothing, nothing, nothing… Okay. List time. I hope you can get some momentum and keep it going. 🙂

    • Me, too!! Thanks. 🙂 I don’t deal well with waiting, and I think that’s one of the biggest jam-ups right now. I hate the ‘in-limbo’ feeling because it takes me out of control and that’s not right. Not in my world, anyhow.

  5. Dang it, now you’ve got the Vulcans in my head telling me that it’s simply illogical that I know I’ll get better at revisions if I practice, but I kick and squeal in protest every time I think about it…

    2016…that’s my year.

    Maybe it’s yours, too?

  6. I understand completely. I honestly thought, I was the only one who was stuck. I had to read the rest of your story from the previous posts. You are an excellent writer and I hope you find your groove soon 🙂

  7. I’m usually great at following up on ideas, but I’m with you — when there are too many, I lose focus and I end up doing all of them, but half-assed. I think making a list, prioritizing, and setting short-term goals helps me a lot. Take things in bite-sized chunks.

    I believe in you too, just like your muse.

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